It's Not Easy Being Green

I have an announcement.
I have decided that this is it. This is the year I really try to go green. Not crazy make-our-own-clothes-out-of-hemp green, but trying to think more about what I buy and how we use things green. We have already converted to the CFL light bulbs, with just a little complaining, and I do try to buy things with less packaging that degrades more easily. I am also buying the bags to take to the store and recycle the plastic bags that we do use.
But it isn't always easy being green. Or at least, greener.
Recently, I bought some cleaning products to go with our new earth friendlier life style, and I have a confession to make: I hate them. I am almost ready to go back to my role as "Sarah, Destroyer of the Environment" (sounds like some bad eco cartoon) because of them. Let me tell you why.
I like things to be clean. You may not believe this if you have ever been in my house, but I really like cleanliness. It's a good thing. For the whole 5 - 15 minutes that I can keep anything clean in my house. I also really like the smell of a clean house. Especially when it smells like lemons. It helps me to know that even though there is now a huge greasy hand print or glob of yogurt, that lemony clean smell is still there to remind me that yes, I did clean, even if no one else can see it now.
We have switched our laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent, and kitchen and bath cleaners. The "green" products I am now using to clean my house seem to do a decent job cleaning, but heaven help me, they smell terrible.
The first bottle read like a recipe for chicken: lemon, thyme, and rosemary. I was so excited. Then I sprayed. And scrunched up my nose. And made the excuse that maybe the first spray was slightly fermented or something else, and the rest of the bottle would be okay. Not so.
As I cleaned, my throat was feeling a little closed up. And then it clicked: this new cleaner smelled like those nasty throat lozenges my mother gave me when we had sore throats as children. Those huge green horse pill looking things that tasted so bad you couldn't wait for the things to numb your whole mouth and throat just to get rid of the taste. When I was growing up, you never told my mom you had a sore throat, no matter how hard it was to swallow, because you would have to sit there and suck on one of these things, and think about how much better it would be if you had just lost a limb or had the Plague instead.
I think they were Sucrets, and I think they went out of business because parents banned them along with castor oil.
So now my house smells like Sucrets and is giving me nightmares. There is only one thing to do. And that is to say I'm Sorry. I am sorry to all the wetland animals and endangered species that I will be killing (again) when I switch back to my regular cleaner.
At least I won't have to see them every day and will be able to cocoon myself in the house. My nice, lemony clean house. MMMM.