Hormone Hating

Can I just tell you something? I hate hormones. I really do. Especially when I am pregnant and they seem to make life so much harder than it really is. I know why they are there, I know what they all do, because I am a freak that way and have to know everything, but they can sure be a pain. Literally. Let me give you some examples.
Did you know that hormones can make your nose more congested than normal? And that they can also cause blood vessels to swell and rise closer to the surface? Did you know that I have both symptoms, and so every time I sneeze or try to blow my nose, I end up with a bloody one? Really gross, and not attractive in the least on date night or in the middle of church to have a bloody wad up your nostril or in your hand.
Hormones also put you on that lovely emotional roller coaster that makes you cry at everything. Do you have any idea how much I hate crying? Especially right now, with my nose spurting forth who knows what? I have to take at least three tissues with me to get through any kind of testimony meeting, movie, or children's show.
Those awful little hormones also attack your self esteem. That's right, as if women didn't have enough issues without them. Not only are you gaining weight at an abnormally fast pace, along with everything in your body swelling out of proportion, hormones have to come along and make you feel even worse than you normally would about it all.
Last week, my dad was talking to one of my brothers on the phone. This brother lives in CA, and so doesn't get to see us very much. They talked about the weather, sports and fantasy sports, and of course they talked about what was happening in all the families.
My brother asked about us, and if I was looking pregnant yet. My dad replied, "Oh, she definitely looks pregnant." With my hormonally crazed mind, I didn't take this as "Yes, you can definitely see that cute little pregnant tummy now." I took it as, "Son, you live by the ocean. Have you ever seen a beached whale that's been sitting there bloated in the sun for 3 days? Imagine that whale about to give birth to twins, and that's your sister."
It took a lot to calm me down and convince myself it was all in my head. I do look pregnant, and that is a good thing, since I really am. And if it takes a half gallon of Haagen Dasz liberally sprinkled with dark chocolate truffles to help me keep this perspective, then all the better, I say.