Jackolanterns With a Side of Sarcasm

As happens in most households, once the leaves start to fall and the crisp autumn air turns tangy with the smell of woodsmoke, a child will ask when are we going to carve our pumpkin. They may even tell you how many you need and what they will look like when finished. Being the parent and not wanting to deny them this simple request, you go and find the pumpkins that will come home and be a part of your Halloween. Why? Because you love your children, and the great JOY they (the children, not you) get from having the pumpkins. See that look on Brandon's face? Pure JOY. The boy has been asking and telling me for the last 6 weeks that we need multiple pumpkins that look like this or that, and how he would help gut and carve them because they were HIS. This was about 3 minutes into the whole gutting process. He washed his hands (literally) of the project and was done.


Look at Cliff free handing the incredibly small pattern I found on the internet. This reminds me of "Blazing Saddles". Not that someone of my steady and responsible character has ever seen this movie. The sheriff tells the retired gunfighter he needs his help, so the gunfighter lifts up his hand. "Steady as a rock," the sheriff proudly points out to the gunfighter. Then the gunfighter lifts up his other hand, which is shaking uncontrollably, and says, "Yes, but this is my shooting hand."
Cliff was really worried about free handing, but did a great job.

This is for my brother. He cannot be in the room when pumpkins are being cleaned and carved due to a terrible Halloween accident involving 3 bags of candy, a ride in the car while facing backwards, and a freshly carved jackolantern. Nadia had to make a dramatic face and terrible noises every time she either put her hand in to clean out the pumpkin, saw all the pumpkin guts in the big bowl, or saw anyone else cleaning out the pumpkins. She was done after 5 minutes.

Here is Brandon's finished product, courtesy of Cliff's cleaning and carving. Brandon chose the face and told Cliff he did a good job. I remembered after the carving and setting it outside in the wind why I don't do candles in jackolanterns, but it was too late. Tomorrow night, glow sticks, baby.

This is Nadia's finished jackolantern. I cleaned and finished carving it. While hefting around my own pumpkin-sized self. It takes talent for that, folks. Both jackolanterns turned out well, which means no kids cried and told me I did it all wrong even after following the pattern (that happened last year). No easy Dremmel drills for us. Those are for wusses and incredibly smart people who remember they have a Dremmel before finishing all the detail work. Just a good old fashioned kitchen knife to hack away with while chanting, "Never again, never again, never again..."